Imperfections

When you become a parent nothing can prepare you for the constant guilt you feel on a daily basis. When you get your hair done, when you get your nails done or even when you go to the store by yourself. These things tend to hunt you through out the day.

However nothing can prepare you for the guilt you feel when you make a REAL mistake. Yesterday my daughter was home all day and I was still not use to my dad not being here since he had picked up the kids all last week. Long story short I forgot to pick up my beautiful boys from school. Grandma ended up picking them up but wow did I feel like the worst mother in the world. It’s a feeling I haven’t been able to shake off.

My kids are my world so doing something like that just rips my guts apart.  I know I’m not the only parent that has done this. Heck even my dad did it one time when i was in 3rd grade.

The pain and guilt I feel leaves me my stomach in knots. I feel like I let a lot of people down and that’s just something that is unacceptable to me. All I can do is keep on keeping on and pray I never do something like that again. I hate letting my  family down.

This has sent me into such a deep depression I don’t want to work I don’t have to do anything but stay home and make everything as perfect as I can. My husband would say.”progress not perfection.

I’m so sad and unmotivated. I am hoping I can wake up early with a better attitude and start fresh.

I do not want to be the kind of mom that get’s so wrapped up in my own business that I forget my children are my business. I don’t want to farm them out to teachers and caretakers and expect those people to do my job. I want to be the one to dry their tears, feed them good meals and read them a book. Most of all I want my children to know that I love their dad.

It’s such a big responsibility! This week was a horrible example of what kind of mom i want to be. But I will take this as a lesson and move forward.

FORWARD.

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Loving them in the Unlovable Moments.

Let me ask you something. When your husband is in a bad mood, what is your mood like? What is your reaction. Mine is always to retreat and avoid at all costs. I know my approach is wrong.

What I should be doing is to try my best to be in a good mood and uplift him. It’s not easy at all and most of the time I think of this after the fact. Today we are not off to a great start. But I feel if I approached his mood in a more loving way maybe I wouldn’t feel as guilty. I could have taken care of my side of the street and maybe even have put him in a better mood in the process.

I think women spend lot and lots of money every year in attempts to make themselves more desirable, more attractive. We forget our most beautiful asset is free, our smile. If you greeted your husband with a smile would he not respond to you in a different way. If I had reacted to my husband’s bad mood with a smile would he have changed his attitude. Maybe. Just some food for thought.

Practice makes perfect right?

Off for another exciting day at work.

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A Case of the Mondays

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I don’t always have to work Mondays so when I do it’s always a bit daunting. I’ve got a long week ahead of me…7 days. Yuck!

I’m praying I don’t have any anxiety attacks this week and I can get through it with a positive attitude. Today I have an appointment with my therapist, then Audrey has dance class. We probably won’t get home until about 8. Then it will be time for bed and do it all again tomorrow. 

My dad left this morning. He was so much help when he was here. He did laundry and helped with the kids. I’m not use to THAT much help around the house. It will be an adjustment getting back into the old routine.

Well I better get cracking so this day can be over sooner than later. 

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Today’s reflections

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As the day comes to an end I am very thankful to have had my husband with us the entire day. It was a good family day. I’m thankful for every moment I get with him as he gets ready for a busy week away from home. 

I think sometimes us women can get so wrapped up in our daily duties that we forget to cherish our husbands. The time we get together is precious and a lot of the time taken for granted. 

As trucker’s wives we also tend to forget they have a place in the home and not just on the road. We feel they need to adapt to us and our schedules when they get home as if they were a guest. But in reality I think as women we need to make them feel like Kings when they are home….so they WANT to come home.

As the wife of a truck driver in the oil field I knew what I bought into when I married him. It’s my job to adapt to him and to make him feel wanted in his own home. 

Even if that means rubbing his feet during the Walking Dead. 🙂

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Dawn

Dawn

Dawn is a place that is quiet and still. Everyone is sleeping, everything is real. The air is cold and crisp and the colors in the sky make me want to cry. Dawn is a place where my sadness can creep in, I try to fight it but it’s a toss up and sometimes my depression wins. The day is coming whether I like it or not. Despite the battle I just fought. So I close with a prayer and get ready to go watch my football player.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I’m Pooped!

I’m one tired mommy! Three out of five pumpkins are carved and only two photographed well. Dinner was really good but needed more salt. I loved the butternut squash. The Hubby is home! YAY! SO now I’ve got to go take a shower and shave my legs. Haha. No use shaving them when he’s gone. All of the books I’ve read about being a good Godly wife say I should have showered and shaved BEFORE he came home. Maybe next time. Ah, so is the life of a trucker’s wife.

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