When you become a parent nothing can prepare you for the constant guilt you feel on a daily basis. When you get your hair done, when you get your nails done or even when you go to the store by yourself. These things tend to hunt you through out the day.
However nothing can prepare you for the guilt you feel when you make a REAL mistake. Yesterday my daughter was home all day and I was still not use to my dad not being here since he had picked up the kids all last week. Long story short I forgot to pick up my beautiful boys from school. Grandma ended up picking them up but wow did I feel like the worst mother in the world. It’s a feeling I haven’t been able to shake off.
My kids are my world so doing something like that just rips my guts apart. I know I’m not the only parent that has done this. Heck even my dad did it one time when i was in 3rd grade.
The pain and guilt I feel leaves me my stomach in knots. I feel like I let a lot of people down and that’s just something that is unacceptable to me. All I can do is keep on keeping on and pray I never do something like that again. I hate letting my family down.
This has sent me into such a deep depression I don’t want to work I don’t have to do anything but stay home and make everything as perfect as I can. My husband would say.”progress not perfection.
I’m so sad and unmotivated. I am hoping I can wake up early with a better attitude and start fresh.
I do not want to be the kind of mom that get’s so wrapped up in my own business that I forget my children are my business. I don’t want to farm them out to teachers and caretakers and expect those people to do my job. I want to be the one to dry their tears, feed them good meals and read them a book. Most of all I want my children to know that I love their dad.
It’s such a big responsibility! This week was a horrible example of what kind of mom i want to be. But I will take this as a lesson and move forward.