We are in the market for a house. Our first home together. It seems like we outgrew our apartment as soon as we moved in. Paul loves this process. He loves looking on the internet, driving around looking at homes and even going on showings. I am the opposite. The entire process makes me nervous and full of anxiety. I would love for him to just find us a home and I just show up on moving day. Well today I’m going on two showings by myself. One of the houses I’m already in love with and I don’t want to get my hopes up. For anyone who reads this please pray for me and my family that God will lead us to the right home and that we can come up with the rest of the down payment we will need. Have I mention that I hate this process? Because I really do. The best part about all of this is that my mom is a Realtor. I don’t know what I’d do with out her.
Speaking of homes. Today is my first day at home since taking leave. I’ve cleaned and it’s felt so good. I’ve really missed being the keeper of my home. The house kind of went to pot when I started working. It seemed like I was never caught up and I always felt guilty for it. Call me old fashion but I believe a home is not a home unless the lady is there making it a home.
My leave of absence was not just for my sanity. I means more to me than just staying at home and hiding from my problems. My heart is where my home is. To keep it, to protect it and to be engaged with my family. I want to ease my husband’s load, who had to help out a great deal with the house and the children after driving days on end. I want to teach my children that love is making a difference in our lives by creating a nice place to come home to.
My goals while taking this time off is to not only get stablized emotionally but to make myslef useful to my husband instead of wasting my time with idle gossip and distractions. This doesn’t mean I will never take a day off just to myself. It just means that being a keeper of my home is just one of the many things that are important to me and something I have lost focus on in the past months.
This does not make me weak or a door mat. It means I take my responsibilities seriously by making valuable use of my time and creating a clean and pleasant haven for my family.
Will my house ever be perfect? No. Will I fall behind of laundry? Yes, absolutely. However my heat is in the right place and my efforts will be imperfectly perfect.